Haunting hour...

Nighttime is always the worst. It's 99.97% of the time just me alone with my thoughts. I always think back to the little things. Should I have said something different, should I have done something else? I know I'm always the reason it ends, quickly or not. I must do or say something to drive them away. I just wish I knew what...

Dear NMCI, You Suck

Ok, so apparently NMCI is the devil and believes that all blog sites need to be banned. Well, ok, I understand some peole can't grasp the concept of OPSEC, but I swear I'm not one of them!!!!! I reread my last blog entry...from July...of last year. So I'll do a quick recap.

I lost about 20 pounds, managed to not die during a special duty screening, uh... tried CrossFit, didn't like it, then I got thrown back on the watch bill on a moment's notice. I was able to participate in an Honor Flight and honored both of my late grandfathers for their service. Then Thanksgiving came and went, then I went home for Christmas!! Overall, it was an awesome trip home. I did have to say a final goodbye to my dear puppy, Doc Holliday, but at least he waited until everyone was home and we'd had one last Christmas together with him. I definitely miss that dog.

Ok, so that brings me up to the New Year. Which, overall, has been pretty good. The Michigan State Spartans won the Rose Bowl (GO GREEN! GO WHITE!! GO SPARTANS!!!!), so obviously that's a good way to start things. Then for the most part, things were just good. My orders selection was chaotic and retarded, and needless to say I won't be going where I really want to go. Instead, I'll eventually be moving to Spain. I'm ok with that.

More recently, however, I've been really, REALLY hard on myself. To the point where I'm back to the self-loathing about damn near everything. The minor good news (well, maybe major)? Something out of left field shocked me back out of it. Mostly, lol. I went to dinner with a someone I've really liked for a long time Saturday night. It was awesome. We laughed non stop as usual, had a great dinner, ended up getting cheesecake (2 slices, like fat kids, haha) and just having a great night. Now, keep this in mind, I have AMAZING friends that constantly tell me I'm awesome, gorgeous, need to stop being such an asshole to myself, etc. And I only half listen to them, because I'm me. Long story short, this guy said something to me this weekend that hit all of that on the head in just three words (and no, not "I love you," saps...). Even if nothing further than having an awesome friend comes with this guy, I'll forever be grateful for him and what he did, and he probably doesn't even know it. I'll tell him someday, maybe. We all know how good I am about stuff like that. Haha!

On to the venting/angry birds edition of this post, and GO!!! I effing HATE my job right now. No, wait, I take that back...I'm about to effing hate my job. The short of it? I'm being made a work center supervisor for 2M and being put back on day staff. Look, I get it, it's kind of a big deal to be made a WCS as essentially an E-nothing in the Navy. But I'm not a big deal. I like to put my head down, get shit done, give people no reason to question what I did or how I did it. But seriously? A "good job" is all I need. I don't need this, and I REALLY don't need to be a day walker again. Granted, I'll probably lose more weight since my sleep schedule is going to be normal again, but that's neither here nor there!! Plus I just found out a few of the rumors circulating this place about me; apparently I'm a volatile, violent individual that is just going to cause problems and disrupt the day staff. SERIOUSLY?! WHERE THE F*$@ DID THAT COME FROM?!?!?! But it's ok, if they have nothing better to do than make up shit that isn't true to make themselves feel better, go for it. I know who the f*@$ I am, and if you can't deal with it, I don't give a good God damn! Ok, end rant on that one! Next!!!

I was recently put up for Blue Jacket of the Quarter by my Chain of Command (gag me...) Anyway, apparently my package made the cut, so now I have to face a formal board. I was informed of this last night, and the board is on Thursday. Which, coincidentally, is directly in the middle of two midnight shifts. Thank God for make up, I suppose. So I'll get off of work at 0530, catch a nap, get up, ensure my blues are perfect, do this board (hopefully not throw up), go home, strip, catch another nap, then be back at work by 1730 for twelve hours. Thank God for caffeine, but seriously? I don't want this anyway!! I work and bust my ass because it's who I am, not because I want that kind of recognition. But it's ok. Everyone here knows unless you belong to a certain division, you won't get it. So it works out :)

Alright, for now, that is all I have. Pretty much brought everyone up to date!! Well kids, happy reading!! Hopefully I'll be better at posting this year than I was last year. It feels good to write again... Auf Wiedersehn!!!