So here are a few things I've realized lately, and I've decided to let them out. The gym only lets me relieve some of my stress, and only the physical stress. The mental stress builds until all I hear are Eminem songs, which just add fuel to the fire... ugh.
I hate being accused of NOT doing something that I do every day.
I hate being judged.
I realize I'm going to die alone, I'm not good enough for anyone. I'm becoming ok with this.
I hate my command.
I really wish I hadn't been born female.
Deep down, I'm extremely jealous of a few of my friends, but I love them no matter what because they are good people.
I want to be part of mobile communications more than I want to be an officer.
I want to be super model skinny, and pretty.
I hate my body.
I'm no longer afraid of being alone.
I believe that rewards (and evaluations) should be based on job performance, not how far up someone else's ass you have shoved your head.
I hate office/military politics. I'm not going to kiss someone's ass or get on my knees to get what I want. I will work for it and EARN it legitimately.
I believe in honesty. If you can't be honest, get out of my life or I will remove you forcibly.
I was born in the wrong time-period.
I miss riding and showing horses, and having pets.
I'm done for now, that's all I can think of. I'm sorry it's not meaningful or deep in any way, shape or form, but it's whatever.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
To Be, or Not to Be?
So I realized it's been quite some time since I posted a blog. Honestly, I feel like my life has been chaos and completely calm at the same time. I'm currently fighting two battles; one personal, one professional (kinda).
Professional battle: I don't want to be a day walker again. Which is exactly what my LPO is trying to make me. On one hand, it will be a good opportunity for me to do my actual job (2M tech). But on the other hand, I have to be a day walker again. As Grumpy Cat would say, "No." Which is exactly what I want printed on a blue t-shirt that I can wear under a uniform blouse. I don't even care that it wouldn't be in regs... Only time is going to tell whether or not I have to go back to days, but I really don't want to! The other professional battle is me getting my mind in the right place to write these damn essays for my OCS package. I have no issues with the writing, it's the writing within the imposed restrictions I have a problem with. Dear OCS package processors: Linguists have issues with a 250 word limit. So answering the questions is not the issue; cutting it down to size is! Oh well, I'll figure it out sooner or later.
While I mentioned a personal battle, it involves relationships, and one I don't know what to do with. Some people just leave marks on your heart and soul that you never want to erase, and when they come waltzing back into your life you just don't know what to do. This is also a point where the two sides of my brain are trying to beat each other with sticks, and my heart made it's decision almost two years ago. Stupid emotions. Eh, another mess I got myself into. Only the answer is simple: to be, or not to be? Isn't that always the question. *Le sigh*
On a happy food note, if you stuff a chicken breast with just a little herb goat cheese, salt and pepper the outside and cook it in a hot cast iron skillet, then wrap beautiful stalks of aspargus in proscuitto de parma (grilling those to perfection as well), and pair with a lovely red wine, you'd have yourself an amazingly simply, fabulously delicious dinner. I know, I've done it. Hahaha! Until the next time... <3
Professional battle: I don't want to be a day walker again. Which is exactly what my LPO is trying to make me. On one hand, it will be a good opportunity for me to do my actual job (2M tech). But on the other hand, I have to be a day walker again. As Grumpy Cat would say, "No." Which is exactly what I want printed on a blue t-shirt that I can wear under a uniform blouse. I don't even care that it wouldn't be in regs... Only time is going to tell whether or not I have to go back to days, but I really don't want to! The other professional battle is me getting my mind in the right place to write these damn essays for my OCS package. I have no issues with the writing, it's the writing within the imposed restrictions I have a problem with. Dear OCS package processors: Linguists have issues with a 250 word limit. So answering the questions is not the issue; cutting it down to size is! Oh well, I'll figure it out sooner or later.
While I mentioned a personal battle, it involves relationships, and one I don't know what to do with. Some people just leave marks on your heart and soul that you never want to erase, and when they come waltzing back into your life you just don't know what to do. This is also a point where the two sides of my brain are trying to beat each other with sticks, and my heart made it's decision almost two years ago. Stupid emotions. Eh, another mess I got myself into. Only the answer is simple: to be, or not to be? Isn't that always the question. *Le sigh*
On a happy food note, if you stuff a chicken breast with just a little herb goat cheese, salt and pepper the outside and cook it in a hot cast iron skillet, then wrap beautiful stalks of aspargus in proscuitto de parma (grilling those to perfection as well), and pair with a lovely red wine, you'd have yourself an amazingly simply, fabulously delicious dinner. I know, I've done it. Hahaha! Until the next time... <3
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