Fear

So over the years, while I have changed a good deal, I still let one thing govern nearly everything I do: fear.  It has a role in EVERYTHING.  So I'm going to list them here, and hope that I can try to abolish some of them at some point in my life.  Most hopefully sooner rather than later, but here goes....

I'm afraid of making the wrong decision, especially at work.  Instead, I do what's safe, what I know, and I don't push the envelope.  It's going to cost me E-5 I think, but I prefer the safe route than the unknown. 

I'm afraid I'll never be good enough, no matter what.  Something is always wrong, I've always got room to improve, but even then I'm never up to standards in my mind.

I'm afraid I'll never be attractive enough.  I always see myself as fat, so it's to the point where I watch everything I'm eating and work out as hard as possible in order to even maintain where I am, losing weight is nearly impossible.  I also hate myself for being so gross.

I'm afraid that once again, I'm walking into a hot mess.  Maybe I shouldn't even try? But good Lord I want to try, but fear keeps holding me back from a few things.

I'm afraid of being alone, at all.  I don't mind being in a room alone, but I hate being in an empty house (or apartment). 

I'm afraid of love.  I've been burned so many times that I've become too cautious, which I think might backfire this time.

I'm petrified of spiders.  Nothing with that many legs should be so agile...

I fear success as much as I fear failure.

I'm deathly afraid of being the center of attention.  Putting me in front of a large group of people for any reason makes me want to throw up and pass out.

I'm afraid I mean nothing.

Silence terrifies me.

I don't really have much else to say, this is kinda it.  I could elaborate on a couple, but I won't.  I don't know, just feeling a bit anxious, again.  I need to stop some of this eventually, but I probably won't.